Silver Lining

Hello there,

So I should be studying for finals, but after completing my biochemistry one, I have no real motivation to study hard. But maybe that’s because I feel somewhat prepared? I mean, I did study hard beforehand – and we have a cheat sheet for tomorrow’s exam. Or maybe I’m just riding the euphoria that came with a successful final. Regardless, I figured I’d use my free time to write a post that I’ve been wanting to get out for a while.

When I first was notified that my job was on the line as a Resident Assistant, I did believe that the world had fallen apart. In the back of my mind, along with my parents’ reassurances, I knew that this wasn’t the end all. But at the same time, I felt myself unravel as everything I had built for myself in the past few years began to crumble. And although I mentally prepared myself weeks later, I was still blown away when I was given my official letter of termination.

And yet, here I am, three months later, a happier and more (hopefully) wholesome individual. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel that sting of shame whenever anyone alludes to the Resident Assistant position and even the thought of The Hill and ORL makes me cringe. But I know it was for the best. Whenever I explained that to other people, they always gave me looks of pity and sympathy that I thought I was deluding myself. But here is proof that there is a reason why this particular event went down:

“I’m really glad to hear that you have now more time to yourself instead of constantly helping other people and worrying about other people.”

Silver-lining

there’s always that silver lining

Though I may pride myself in relationship-building and truly getting to know another, only a handful of friends – maybe less than five – understand the emotional burden that I constantly carry. I know – crazy, right? Like having many Facebook friends and getting all these invites and “hello”s are stressful. If anything, I brought it on to myself by getting involved in everything and building up those networks. And perhaps I did. But as much as I love being around people, I also tend to be a major people-pleaser. I take initiative and get things done, which means if a group of us want to meet up, I’ll be the one who plans out everything. And planning every event can definitely take a toll on you. Not to mention, I also take it upon myself to solve everyone’s problems, listen to everyone, and put everyone else before me. What’s worse is that these actions of kindness and pure intent are often misinterpreted as “butting in”, “gossipy”, and “overbearing”. So it’s not as if I am simply rewarded for all that I do – many times, I’m simply chastised.

So with all of that said, you might gather why I have pretty much stretched myself thin by being so selfless. And being selfless, I would have never given up the RA position voluntarily. But having left it, I feel so much more free. Yes, I have to worry about money and rent, and yes, I don’t have my meals prepared in advance. But I have time to do whatever I want. If I want to stay out late one night, studying at a friend’s or hanging out in the CEC office, I don’t have to worry about my residents knocking on my door and waiting to return. If I want to go to every CEC event, go home every weekend, dedicate myself to school, research, or just me, I don’t need to factor in anyone else. It’s weird to be this selfish, but it’s such a freeing feeling.

So, having realized all of this – and having it all confirmed by one of my closest – I know that it was for the best and I feel good. This happened for a reason and I cannot wait to see what else life has in store for me.

<3 A.

2013

Hello there!

Welcome to a resolution within itself. Committing to a project for a full year without procrastination and/or laziness interfering. 2012 washes away I’ve alway enjoyed those yearly challenges – whether they be the 365 day photo challenge on Facebook or a 365 tweets on Twitter – but it never crossed my mind twice to actually do one myself. Until now. However, I found it more comforting to blog for a year, because let’s face it, I can only truly get my thoughts out through writing. However, I know myself and I know that I won’t likely stick to a strict regimen of blogging daily. So let’s say “tending” to my blog as much as possible this year and releasing it to the public before the end of the year?

2012 was a year of extreme highs and lows. I began to write a quick recap, but then I realized that for the most part, if not all of what’s happened, I’ve accepted and moved on. So here’s to not dwelling in the past. Goals were seized, expectations were failed, some doors closed, leaving other doors open.

So here’s to the beginning of 2013 – a slightly unorthodox introduction than past years, but nevertheless, a year of hopes and dreams. And more so, a year of pursuit of these goals in order to make a better life for myself.

It’s not only me who sees this year as a larger step towards the bigger picture. I’ve seen countless astrology readings (both the Hindu and English versions), and although I take everything in with a grain of salt, all of them state the same thing. My career aspirations will further this year. Here’s a few quotes that I found meaningful from the great Y! Horoscopes:

You’ve been blessed to merge the needs of your soul with your career since 2012, and now you’re learning to use the power of smoke and mirrors to your advantage in the most powerful way. Your offering to the world is incredibly healing. People are mesmerized with what you have to offer and you can use the power of your imagination to captivate your chosen audience and target market. All of this leads to greater exposure and possibility. You know the stakes are too high to take the easy way out and throw away all that you’ve built. Just remember: where there is love, there is no effort.

I only hope that this is an approving nod towards all my work that I’ve done with infants thus far. Regardless, this is my year. I graduate from my undergraduate career this year. I move on to that next step this year. I’m not sure when or even if this blog will go public, but this time next year, hopefully, I’m further along than I am now.

Until then, thanks for reading and may 2013 be full of love, laughter, and many accomplishments.

A.

The Dog Days Are Over?

I wish I could say I wasn’t hurt. But that just isn’t true. I thought I had finally moved on, and this time . . . this time it would be different. Perhaps I was being too forceful. Too aggressive. What if things were actually going my way, but I pushed it too far? It kills me that I can’t seem to catch a break. However, similar to last year, I’m going to accept and move on. Perhaps this was supposed to be nothing more than a a means to divert my attention. Everything happens for a reason. I just need to keep reminding myself that.

Urges

Once we stop giggling at the word “urges”, let’s talk about how I am fighting a constant battle. I’ve made a pact to move on. I’ll admit, I’m taking the easy way out on this one and not confronting the issue head-on, but that doesn’t mean life has been a piece of cake. Every time I’m on, all I want to do is make one ‘click’ and see what’s gone down during this timespan. But I know that if I give in, just once, then I’m back to square 1. Yes, I might still think about it every time I’m on, but if I stay strong and keep moving forward, perhaps one day, I’ll let go of it completely. Until then . . .

Fortunate Accident

It has been about six full months since I created this blog, using it as an outlet to convey my thoughts and emotions. And it all began with the simple word ‘serendipity’. It seems pretty crazy that I have created an identity out of this word, especially since there are billions of words out there to choose from. And yet, at times when I forget the significance, the word reappears in my life, proving why it is the name of my blog, my screenname, and just about everything else.

Part of being human is making mistakes and having accidents here and there in order to help us learn and grow. Without these screw-ups, we simply wouldn’t be human at all. Therefore, every accident that happenPhoto0082s in life, all those “wrongs”, ultimately result to that perfect “right”. Does that mean those accidents were not actually fatal but more fortunate? And if that’s true, does that mean the word ‘serendipity’ runs through each and every one of our lives twenty-four/seven? I believe so, which is why, when it comes down to it, I wouldn’t want to change anything in my life. And I don’t think I would want to go back in the past, however much there are times when it seems like I should. Because I believe that every step we make, regardless of whether it is a right or wrong step, leads up closer to that ultimate prize, the meaning of life.Photo0118

Haha, even though the word ‘serendipity’ has such a deep meaning, it doesn’t mean it is purely spiritual. As I said in my first post, the word ‘serendipity’ has inspired many things such as movies, novels, restaurants, and more. During my recent trip to Las Vegas, I saw the restaurant Serendipity 3 and immediately thought of the famous restaurant in New York. Thinking that this store would channel the authenticity of its predecessor, I went in only to find out that this restaurant was nothing more than a tourist attraction. While it had the signature item of Serendipity: frozen hot chocolate,  this restaurant fed off the amusement of the crowd rather than inspire. So was it an accident to come in? I think not! Because being in that restaurant has only fueled my desire to see New York even more and who knows what wonders the city will hold when I finally do visit it. (: Alas, a fortunate accident.

So to celebrate the six months of running this blog, I give you the movie trailer from one of my favorite movies: Serendipity. Enjoy (:

<3 A.

No Strings Attached

Hello there kids,

WOW. Wow. wow. This week has been quite a long week hasn’t it? I didn’t notice it before until someone mentioned it in class today, but last Saturday seems like it was AGES ago. I really don’t know why it seemed long though. I mean, it was STAR testing all this week, but because of our Senior status, the Seniors got to come to school around 10-12 am every day. Then again, I still woke up at 6 am every single day, courtesy of my sister. Maybe that’s why I feel so tired , as if I want to close my eyes and just never open them again. Ah, I didn’t want it to sound that emo, but I guess you can say it’s my mixed emotions weighing me down again. But I can’t be in this ‘funk’ right now. In ONE week (and a weekend), my testing officially begins with the oh-so wonderful IB English exam. So I have to shake all this off and stay above everything because this is it. In 24 school days (about 3 weeks), my high school career is over and I want to leave DBHS with ‘no strings attached’. I don’t want to have trails of regret or a bad report that follows me out.

I’ve already started ending the things that made high school what it was. Last Saturday was my last Color Guard Championuntitledships after 7 years and it was a very bittersweet moment. There are different definitions for committed in our guard. There are those people who practice really hard who are considered dedicated. There are those people who live and breathe guard and are considered dedicated. There are those who come to every practice and event without ever being late. And there are those who just excel in the sport itself. I can’t say I’ve practiced or dedicated my life to Color Guard 24/7, but I can say that I have remained faithful to it these past 7 years. And being the only person in the guard to have done it for such a long period of time, I don’t think anyone could have felt the exact same way I felt. The feeling, was indescribable. But as much as I will miss it, I think I have ended Color Guard on great terms, with a fantastic last show and a Scholarship Award. But you know the best part of that day was? It wasn’t me being able to take a hilarious candid of Kristina with Michael. Or seeing tears run down my fellow members’ faces aswow they read my good luck notes. Or even seeing the old woman next to me jump up and down, clapping like mad as she saw Corona perform. No, it was seeing Diana, Tim, Freddie, Roger, Ayesha, Dominic, and Jeff, all come to one of the most important moments of my life in order to support me. Seeing there faces, and performing to them . . . looking straight at D’FAT <3 when I did my favorite part in the show, the nutcracker. It was that memory that will forever remain with me.

On Monday, I went to my 5th grade teacher’s class to help her out. For some reason though, stepping on Quail Summit’s campus felt completely different. Usually, going back there made me happy because all the little kids are so cute and innocent and there’s no need to build a barrier against them. But this time, I felt as if I was a stranger walking the school grounds. Times have changed and as I am about to start a new chapter of my life, I realized that the good times are not solely when I was younger. True, things were MUCH simpler back then, but I don’t think I’d trade all the experiences I’ve had, both the good and the bad, just to stay at that innocent, young age forever. I’m moving forward, not looking back.

I think another reason why this week has been so long is because it was THE “prom asking” week. All those creative, cute prom askings are revealed and you see at least five bouquets of flowers every day. And of course, if you weren’t one of those lucky “askees” you might harbor the slightest animosity.

“Always the middleman, never the askee.”

I helped out with 5 or 6 askings this week and I am quite glad I did so because it revolved around people I cared about. I helped with C./C., C./M., J./J., Y./A., and even indirectly helped with Brandon and Jennifer’s as we convrosesinced her mom to let her go with him. And of course there are more in the works (: But I admit, I was hoping for that one person to ask me. That one person who would have fit in the picture perfectly. So yeah, I was quite disappointed about that. However, my entire Thursday was brightened by what the kids did for me at lunch. I walked into Mrs. Karasawa’s room and long and behold, there was Tim, Freddie, and Diana, holding up posters with D’FAT spelled out, chanting “Anantha, will you go to prom with us?” dfat1Haha, now my first reaction was “WHOA, this is random”, but as I kept looking at them, I was just . . . speechless. Who else can say they were asked by three people – three people who they love so dearly? Yeah, I wasn’t asked by a guy. So no, I don’t really have a date. But as Young pointed out, most of the girls who were asked – it wasn’t by their ideal guys, so they just have to suck it up and bear with it. But me? I got the most GORGEOUS roses in the world as well as the three greatest dates (:

I almost screwed that up today though. I won’t go into detail about that, but Jeff’s right, I tend to think the most irrational thoughts. I have NO CLUE why, so if you figure it out, please let me know. But yeah, I overthink WAY to much. Simple conclusions that other people come up with it, I exaggerate it, dissect it, think about it some more, BEFORE I come upon that same conclusion. I wonder what’s wrong with me? >.< But looking at all these great kids in front of me who appear to love me as much as I love them. How did I get so lucky? (:

<3 A.

P.S. Orphanages of Thailand Fundraiser tomorrow! (: