Vingt-trois

In a few hours, I turn 23 years old. Well, more than a few hours if you count that I was actually born around 3:30 PM on the 11th. But whatever, in a few hours, it’ll be my birthday once again. And then seven hours later, I’ll be taking my Anatomy final.

I've also started watching Grey's Anatomy.

I’ve also started watching Grey’s Anatomy if you couldn’t tell.

So you can either chalk it up to pre-birthday excitement or pre-final jitters, but I decided that it was time to add another post to this blog. It has been unusually quiet, but definitely not due to negligence. On the contrary, I’m on WordPress every day, going through my Reader, keeping up on my fellow bloggers and trying to find some inspiration.

AMCAS/AACOMAS officially opened up a week ago and I am still not satisfied with my personal statement. I’m sure that’s something every pre-med student faces – trying to find the words to sum up their desire/need to be a doctor. But as I have mentioned before, my path leading up to where I am today has been long – full of U-turns, lefts, rights, and stops. How do you sum up that at this instance in time, at age 22.997, you know for a fact that this is what you want more than anything else in the world. That at age 5 you wanted it. At age 14 you wanted it. At age 18, you began to just consider it. At age 20, you were looking into other options. And at age 22, you decided to just let your dream go. How can someone’s mind change so quickly in a span of a year? In a few years? I feel like if I wrote down these actual thoughts in my PS, someone might just say, “hey, we don’t think you want it enough”. That’s a huge fear of mine, because seeing it on paper, it does seem sort of ludicrous.

But enough about of my fears – as I move forward, become another year older tomorrow, I feel like I am another year wiser. It’s not just something people throw in with “Happy Birthday”. I feel like I really have faced myself this year and come out with some pretty solid life lessons. Not to say that I didn’t make any mistakes this past year – I made plenty. And I’m sure 23 will be no different. So rather than huge festivities or grand gestures – instead of resolutions or hard-set goals – here’s to hoping that this next year of life will provide me with even more lessons. Because every life lesson is just another indicator that I am really, truly living life.

T-4 hours,

A.

 

High 5

My blog turns five today! Yay!

I feel like this elicits a celebration of some sorts. Or even a well-worded speech. Unfortunately (or rather fortunately), I have to cut this post short as the MCAT is – not four, not three, but – TWO weeks aways. That’s fourteen days. That’s like, winter break in high school – and we all know how that flew by ever so quickly. I should stop now – I’m starting to hyperventilate.

My head

My head

In all seriousness though, it feels surreal. The MCAT has forever been a huge daunting tale that I never imagined I would one day actually meet in person. I know that there are still a lot more hoops to jump through before I become a doctor, let alone actually getting into medical school. But taking the MCAT is a huge first step in my books. So prayers, positive thoughts, all and everything are appreciated as I go into this for the first, and hopefully, last time. You will have my eternal gratitude and if I ever meet you in person, I’ll be sure to give you a high five.

<3 A.

M-Cat

It’s official! After 24+ hours of anxiety, constant clicking, and site crashing, I have finally registered for the MCAT. I have always avoided being a gunner, but I guess in cases like these, you got to be a little crazy to get what you want. Anyway, so this is really happening – the MCAT is not just a myth anymore. THIS is the real deal. Cue the introduction of the beast.
A.

STATUS HAZMATICUS

I have a physics test tomorrow. We’ve all been studying for it for far too long, as evidenced by the following story:

During a morning conversation with a few other postbacs about how screwed we all were, which somehow involved talking about someone’s dog, we got to talking about pets. A brilliant idea surfaced: We should get a postbac pet that can roam the halls of the continuing studies building (okay, perhaps not the best idea).  We were talking about what we should name this hypothetical pet, and the thought suddenly popped into my head:

“We should get a cat and name it… <dramatic pause> M-Cat.” (aka medical college admissions test, for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about)

My friends smiled, laughed a little, and moved on. I, however, could not. The idea of M-cat began to root itself in my…

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Sunday Morning Musings

Image

This morning I came across a Tumblr that belonged to an acquaintance from high school. Now I say acquaintance because although we were project partners in middle school and knew of each other for many years now, we were never really more than “Facebook friends”. And let’s be honest, I was very much jealous of her. I was jealous that she was ranked #1 in our class of 900 students while also participating in multiple extracurriculars. I was jealous that she had been accepted and was going to Brown and on top of all of that, she had a steady boyfriend. I was jealous that she had a solid group of friends, all with bright futures themselves, and a fantastic physique. So you can imagine my interest piquing when I came across her blog. Now this blog consisted of 112 pages. 5 posts on each page which comes out to roughly 560 posts. I have other friends on Tumblr – friends that I actually speak to on a regular basis or who I “care” more about. Have I ever taken the time to read every post they written. Have I ever spent 2 hours just sitting there, clicking through each of their links and pictures?

But with this girl, I was just so curious to see how her life was. Was it just as seemingly-fantastic as it was in high school? It’s funny – as I read, I began to see more of her than I ever saw in the past 10+ years of knowing her. Back in elementary school, her family had so little money that it was a strict diet of ramen for many years. She struggled with eating disorders in high school and similar to myself, have had this ongoing internal battle of relationships & personal happiness versus career goals. However, unlike myself, she has prevailed in college. And yet, she’s still taking a year off before medical school.

I’m not sure why this last bit of information strikes me so strongly – I believe it’s because she finally seems somewhat ‘human’. The fact that this amazingly smart, beautiful, talented girl is also taking a year off doesn’t make it seem so far-fetched that I’m postponing my own medical dreams for another two years. In fact, reading her entire blog was more interesting/fulfilling like a good movie or book, rather than informative. Well no, I mean, it was very informative, but it was the type of blog that I would have willingly followed rather than out of obligation. It’s a shame that I’m still the same person from high school who shies away from public commitment in fear of retaliation. What I mean by this is, who knows what sort of reaction I will get. And even more frightening, what if she shares my blog with people in high school that I truly detest? People like that – people who are very much two-faced, I just can’t have them reading my personal thoughts. So instead of proudly reblogging every post of hers – I cut corners and found other sources so that I wouldn’t be linked to her in any way.

Funny how much time can be spent trying to stay invisible. Anyway, what I got from this morning’s discovery is much more than a few reblogged posts. It’s hope that things will get better. I always felt a little jaded towards those with money going to school because they were able to get so many more resources than I could. But from reading her posts, seeing how much time and dedication she put into her work, research, and school, I realize that I too, need to put a pause on my social life. I’ve been using the excuse of “making up for my teenage years” for far too long. It’s time to evaluate what is necessary. Obviously this means that Campus Events Commission should probably come off of my priority list. But I uphold commitments and will not shy away. Instead, this means that more effort MUST be put in to make every minute count.

That being said, I also need to suck up my pride and fear, and just DO IT. Yes, LA food adventures with Kevin last year were great. But I need to go above and beyond that. I need to take advantage of offers such as megabus.com (which, contrary to Adam’s annoying insistence, is not a scam) and travel. I need to do everything possible at UCLA so that when I leave, I know that I got everything I wanted from this university. No regrets.

Perhaps being let go from the Resident Assistant position was a blessing in disguise. In my heart, as much as my parents want me to stay around here for graduate school, I see myself somewhere out-of-state. And what would my future apartment mates there say if I had NO idea how to rent an apartment, access utilities, or make my own meals? Embarrassing, no?

Oh, another thing said in this girl’s blog that speaks words of wisdom is buying clothes that are more durable and future-conscious. Instead of buying random clothes on a whim or for a specific occasion, I need to start thinking long-term. I don’t believe it’s healthy to think everything out long-term, like she has done, but I do believe that in my twenties, as I travel, and grow, and become the woman I want to be, I do need to start taking this into consideration.

I have a beautiful apartment, a new MacBook Pro, CEC, my research, and my schoolwork. I will do what I need to do to be happy and successful and truly make 2013 memorable because I did something about it.

Yay for unexpected throwbacks and revelations.

<3 A.