Complicated

Hi kids,

So I just feel like people take little issues way too seriously sometimes. I know that’s hypocritical for me to point out as I take the smallest things and make them into superior problems. However, tonight especially seems like certain people in the world are just trying to create problems that aren’t there. Alright, so the big topic going through the Senior class that isn’t about AP/IB testing is Prom. Now Prom can be stressful, I agree, especially when you have to plan out the entire night as well as find the dress and matching shoes. So when you’re doing all of this and trying to accomodate other people’s wishes while researching for the cheapest prices, unnecessary chatter can cause one to peak. Yeah, I admit it. I had a prom vision too. With the perfect date, and then perfect ride, and the perfect everything. But you know what, not EVERYTHING comes true. So why fret about it? Be thankful for what you have right now? So what if you don’t have that perfect date. Hell, so what if you don’t have a date at all? That doesn’t mean you should crawl in a hole and completely pluck yourself out of high school experiences. You still have friends right? Friends who have been there all those years with you and WANT you to be there. Are you really going to let those friends down by deciding to just not go because you don’t have a date. Prom night is not marked on whether you have a date or not. It’s about how fun you make it. If you decide the world’s ended because you don’t have a date, then you are seriously missing out.

Now if you have a date, then great, I truly am happy for you. Now be happy about it too and stop overthinking it. One date does not signify a future wife or husband or eternal commitment, so please just take control of your emotions. It doesn’t help that on top of everything else going on, you’re worrying over trivial matters such as “What if the night goes wrong”, “What if we never talk again”. Again, even if you think your date said yes because he or she felt bad, you can still make the night fun and memorable if YOU put your mind to it. Don’t start overanalyzing every word and thinking it’s a blow to your self-esteem. It’s not, you’re just overthinking about, what it all comes down to, a simple school dance.

I think this actually pertains to almost everything in life. College for instance. I feel like a broken record because I’ve repeated this so many times, but college is what you make of it, whether you go to Mt. SAC or Harvard. So what if the college you go to doesn’t have that academic status or national acclaim? You can still make it fun and resourceful if you put your mind to it. But in order to do that, you have to stop bad-talking it. Having too much pride can be a bad thing, but having no pride is just pathetic.

No, I am not stressed right now. Prom planning, although it has taken a lot of my weekend, is not causing me to lose my sanity or become hot-headed. I’ve just been so busy that I realize how pointless certain conversations can be. I wish I could just yell at certain people so they can get out of the loop they’re in. But I’m afraid they’ll take it the wrong way and hate me, when ultimately, I’m just trying to help them. I hope you all know that I do love you. I just care too much to see you waste your life in silly complications. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Not complicated.

<3 A.

What Do I Want?

Hello kids,

March is halfway over and likewise, the mad runs to the mailbox or computer have increased as we are all anticipating the responses from the colleges we have applied to. And as responses are read, tears of either joy or disappointment are shed. I, like the others are on college-watch. In fact, it is to the point where I have accessed my email account from my phone so that when a new email comes in, I will be able to know ASAP. Ah, how emotions can be so easily altered by a simple email or letter . . or lack of one. I remember last week when I heard USC sent out their acceptance letters and I had not received one. I was completely crushed, thinking that I was not to everyone else’s standards and there wasn’t any college that wanted me. True, I got into VCU, SBU, and University of Pittsburgh before, but those were colleges that I was already pretty sure I would get into. No, it was because I still hadn’t heard from UC Davis, the lowest of the four UC’s I applied to, and therefore, thoughts of how I wasn’t even good enough for UC Davis came along.

And yet the next day, when I received my USC acceptance letter, although I was ecstatic, it didn’t bring as much joy to me as getting accepted into UCD and UCSD. This is most likely because I never planned on going to USC. Especially because it is so expensive. However, the thought of not being accepted to a school saddened me greatly. Likewise with UCD and UCSD. I don’t think I will be going to those two schools, but the fact that I was accepted by a UC school and am officially UC-bound makes me smile. And this is what makes me unsure of the future, because I take rejection so seriously. The two MAJOR fears in my life: spiders and rejection.

Rejection. <—— I’ll talk more about that in my following post.

So today we celebrated Christina’s 18th birthday by kidnapping her and taking her to Carrow’s and Chuck E. Cheese’s. We joked about how we were taking her to a Strip Club while she was blindfolded, but honestly, what better way to ring in your adulthood then running around playing games with your friends and trying to get enough tickets to get matching bracelets? To some people, this may seem so lame and childish since it’s not one of those high-profile parties. But you know what, screw you. This is the BEST way to celebrate your best friend’s birthday. So as Christina, Karry, Siobhan, Amanda, Pooja, Bond, Young, and I sat around talking about our little traditions and next year, everyone turned to me saying that I wouldn’t be here. Everyone else will be in California, but it’s me who’s pursuing a college in the East Coast. So the question arises, “Do I want to go to the East Coast?”. And as I continue to ponder, “Do I really want to get into a medical program?”. Hell, “Do I really want to become a pediatrician?”.

Ultimately, one must be happy in life. That makes everything that have done, are doing, will do worthwhile. I remember Mr. Patterson saying in Freshman year, “If you’re not strong in Math and Biology, you shouldn’t think of becoming a doctor”. But I believe that statement is totally BS. If you have the passion and the drive, then you CAN make it happen. If I want to become a doctor, I will somehow become it, even if it means achieving that goal when I’m thirty. But the question is, will I be happy as a pediatrician? Will I be happy away from all my friends, knowing that these were the last birthdays we would celebrate together? Will I be happy if I get accepted into a top-notch school?

I honestly don’t know. This blog is so confusing because I have so many conflicting notions and emotions. I think I’m going through a quarter-life crisis. Au mon dieu.

<3 A.

Life Passing By

Hey kids,

So yesterday was one of those days that passed by so quickly that it made you wish that time could just stop still for a little while. I mean, our life has been accelerated to the point where no one can really stand still and look out at the scenery. I spent the entire day trying to find a way to add music to this blog, and ended up unsuccessful. You would think a solution could be found, and yet hours of asking people and surfing the internet resulted in nothing. Night quickly comes by and after Diana points it out, I go outside and find myself face-to-face with one of the most breath-taking sights. The moon was absolutely gorgeous, so round and white, and the stars, you could actually SEE the stars in our currently-polluted environment. The only thing I could do, was stare at such a glorious site . . . but of course, the moment was shattered in a mere seconds when my mother called for me to come back in. You would think that someone from an older generation would appreciate the sight of the moon/stars even more than a teenager from this generation, and yet nothing . . . because her life has been consumed by daily concerns and work.

Why is it that one can spend hours in front of the computer wasting her life away, when going outside to look at the sky is a ludicrous notion? Who the hell knows . . . I just wish though that there was time to step outside and just breathe in the air and acknowledge the fact that I’m alive.

So I got another acceptance letter yesterday as well. That makes a total of 2: Virginia Commonwealth University and Stony Brook University. Virginia and New York. Will these new locations, or just college in general, allow me the freedom to just step outside and stare at the sky? Or will college become a new hell for me? You know, in exactly 5 months, I will turn eighteen. Eighteen. The big 1-8 that declares to all that you are now, officially an adult. I watch all of my friends who’ve turned 18, and they don’t seem as different as they were the day before. Is it because, although 18 dubs you an “adult”, one cannot be independent because of the situation he or she is in? I mean really, my 18th birthday will only mark that if I commit a crime, I will be tried in a court and possibly go to jail. No more cutting slack for me. So how will I ever assume full independence? Diana and I were talking . . and its true that I probably won’t become a “real adult” until 25 . . 27? When I can pay all my own bills and do not need to call out my parents for help . . . joy.

There’s more that I should let out, but I believe it should only be for a few eyes . . . so I’ll leave that for later. Greatest Story Ever Told – so here’s the song that I was trying to add onto my blog. No such luck ): But its such a beautiful song – especially for us, hopeless romantics.

<3 A.