More Than Words

During my daily ritual of perusing interesting articles and links, I stumbled across this website which tells you the #1 song on the day you were born. I’m pretty sure that I have seen this link before, or some sort of version of this link, because this #1 song was added to my iTunes playlist on March 14th, 2014 and has been played exactly 41 times to date.

Screen Shot 2015-03-04 at 8.27.28 PM

There was also a parody of this song featuring Nuno Bettencourt in an episode of How I Met Your Mother.

As much as I love discovering connections between seemingly unrelated topics, I also think the song itself is blog-worthy (as well as a pretty good song in general). Back in ’91, Bettencourt noted the diminishing value of the phrase “I love you”  –

“People use it so easily and so lightly that they think you can say that and fix everything, or you can say that and everything’s OK. Sometimes you have to do more and you have to show it—there’s other ways to say ‘I love you.'”

It’s 2015 now, 24 years later, and I think the issue is still present, if not larger than before. I know I, myself, am guilty of tossing out these three words loosely. But then again, maybe the phrase doesn’t hold the same sort of power it did before. And if it does not, then how do you distinguish the real thing? How do you express those deep, innermost feelings if by today’s standards, the phrase “I love you” can be casually thrown out without any attached emotion? Perhaps in this case, actions really do speak louder than words.

With love,

A.

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Vingt-trois

In a few hours, I turn 23 years old. Well, more than a few hours if you count that I was actually born around 3:30 PM on the 11th. But whatever, in a few hours, it’ll be my birthday once again. And then seven hours later, I’ll be taking my Anatomy final.

I've also started watching Grey's Anatomy.
I’ve also started watching Grey’s Anatomy if you couldn’t tell.

So you can either chalk it up to pre-birthday excitement or pre-final jitters, but I decided that it was time to add another post to this blog. It has been unusually quiet, but definitely not due to negligence. On the contrary, I’m on WordPress every day, going through my Reader, keeping up on my fellow bloggers and trying to find some inspiration.

AMCAS/AACOMAS officially opened up a week ago and I am still not satisfied with my personal statement. I’m sure that’s something every pre-med student faces – trying to find the words to sum up their desire/need to be a doctor. But as I have mentioned before, my path leading up to where I am today has been long – full of U-turns, lefts, rights, and stops. How do you sum up that at this instance in time, at age 22.997, you know for a fact that this is what you want more than anything else in the world. That at age 5 you wanted it. At age 14 you wanted it. At age 18, you began to just consider it. At age 20, you were looking into other options. And at age 22, you decided to just let your dream go. How can someone’s mind change so quickly in a span of a year? In a few years? I feel like if I wrote down these actual thoughts in my PS, someone might just say, “hey, we don’t think you want it enough”. That’s a huge fear of mine, because seeing it on paper, it does seem sort of ludicrous.

But enough about of my fears – as I move forward, become another year older tomorrow, I feel like I am another year wiser. It’s not just something people throw in with “Happy Birthday”. I feel like I really have faced myself this year and come out with some pretty solid life lessons. Not to say that I didn’t make any mistakes this past year – I made plenty. And I’m sure 23 will be no different. So rather than huge festivities or grand gestures – instead of resolutions or hard-set goals – here’s to hoping that this next year of life will provide me with even more lessons. Because every life lesson is just another indicator that I am really, truly living life.

T-4 hours,

A.

 

Gift Giving Philosophy

In Going the Distance, the opening scene involves Leighton Meester’s character asking Justin Long’s character where her present was. Justin Long rebuffs by saying that she told him she didn’t want anything and that if she wants a present, they could go out and buy one now. But she responds by saying that that wasn’t the point and she just wanted him to get her a present, not because she told him to, but because he genuinely wanted to.

This is sort of how I feel. Yes I know, if you want something, just say it straightforward without any hesitation. But when it comes to nice gestures, whether as simple as acknowledgement or as grand as birthday presents, I don’t want to be selfish and just tell people what I want. Seriously, I don’t want to demand a compliment or initiate the planning of a surprise party for myself.

I want people to do these things because THEY want to. I want to deserve that little treat because other people genuinely thought I deserved it rather than it feeling like I semi-forced them. Does that sound about right? Just a thought at 11:55 pm.

Dark Blue

Yesterday not only marked my first week of being a high school graduate but the day I became legal as well. However, it honestly does not feel as if merely a week has passed. I believe Father Time is playing a joke on us all again, because this one week has felt like on month of summer vacation. Graduation feels as if it was months ago. Even the early morning kidnapping of Freddie that occurred today seems like it happened a day or two ago. So what does that exactly mean? Are the days going by so quickly that events are becoming a big blur in one’s mind? Or are the days knitted together into one big picture that has no beginning or end?

But if that were so, then shouldn’t time not be rushing by? But that isn’t the case. I mean, it feels as if it was minutes ago when I woke up after crashing and it was 7 pm and now I look at the clock and it’s 12:40 AM. Really, it feels as if I’m watching my life go by through another medium of viewing.

It’s not only time that seems to be twisted lately. The weather is another significant aspect. I was currently looking through past pictures while my case of insomnia passes, and I realized the irony. All the pictures taken in January had such a bright sun in the background, and yet all the pictures that have been taken in June are so gray and gloomy. I know its childish to say that the sun is the source of happiness, but I truly find the heat more comforting than the cold. The present weather makes you feel alone and in search for warmth. Maybe that’s why more people are admitting to feeling sad for no reason. Just having one of those “Dark Blue” days.

Haha, well either way, I didn’t get my birthday wish to see my lover, the sun, on my birthday. :/ It’s alright though, the gifts, and more so, the PEOPLE made my 18th birthday so memorable. Words really can’t express what I felt (: One of my favorite things that I received was from my sister was this little bracelet from Knott’s that has my name engraved on it. Although it’s nothing fancy like from Tiffany’s or whatever, it means so much to me that I’ve been wearing it 24/7. However, I’m slightly afraid that showering with it will cause it to rust and break ): Let’s hope not . . . now in search for a necklace (:

Random thoughts I know. I think the senioritis/summer has jumbled my brain -.- Hopefully once I start up a “systematic routine” again, things will fall into place.

Until then, I need to buy a lotto ticket during Relay for Life tomorrow!

<3 A.

“You are open and honest in your philosophy of love”

Hi kids,

So Spring Break is halfway over and I have to say it has been quite eventful so far. Before I go into the knowledge I’ve gained this past few days, I’ll pause to debrief you in the events that have occurred.

Friday: I had lunch with some of the Leo kids, where I was able to talk to the “love guru” of the Leo boys, Aaron. So there were a few things he told me that I felt I could contradict, and yet he told me there was a lot of evidence to back up his claims. So one of these great observations was that all guys befriend girls initially because they want something more with the girls. However, when I pointed him out, he told me he was the exception. For some reason, I just don’t see that as true, because if so, then most of the guys I know are “exceptions”. And if the entire world acts as an exception, then what basis does the rule have? I hate to be so cynical, but if I were to believe this, then it would incite that little flame of hope within me that I’ve tried so hard to burn out.

Saturday: Since all of our instructors were in Ohio, the entire day was conducted by both Marisa and I. Usually, I feel as if my captain status isn’t recognized during color guard and all I am good for is the dirty “behind-the-scenes” work. However, on Saturday, I actually felt as if I was fulfilling the entire captain quota and proving myself a good role model for the freshmen. Not only were both the JV and Varsity shows amazing, but my own personal show felt exhilarating, especially when I caught the nutcracker and looked straight at the JV sitting in the stands. I want everyone I care about to see me when I perform. I know a few people have seen me in school or when I’m just practicing, but I know I turn into a completely different person when I actually perform in a competition. That’s why it would be great for everyone to see that “different side” of me and understand why I’ve kept up with Color Guard for the past seven years. However, there’s only two shows left which include Championships, so I know its only wishful thinking. But wow, Michael was so right. Those who decide to do Color Guard are those who are shy and secretly wanting to reveal the greatness within to the world.

Sunday: So Sunday was Diana’s birthday and of course, like with all my other near and dear ones, she was the victim of my kidnapping. However, the kidnapping itself was an epic fail as her mom told her the night before of my intentions. Yet, I think Tim, Gurpreet, and I were still able to make it a worthwhile morning for. Especially having the towel over her and convincing her we were going to “Santa Barbara”. But man, that woman can hit when she wants. I have no worries for her in the future because if anyone were to try anything funny, she’d knock them out cold within seconds. But anyway, our little atomic bomb had a lovely breakfast at Carrow’s (even when her fingers were dipped in syrup) and she had a lovely visit from April, Jessica, and Gary. We then all went to Rowland Heights’ Park which is by far, the coolest park I know – it is totally fit for wild teenagers.

dim sum for lunch (:
dim sum for lunch (:

Haha, we then decided to go to Cue, but because it was closed, went for Dim Sum instead. So even though we had our drawbacks, including Gary’s VERY VERY scary driving, I think Diana got a lot of things from her wish list (: That afternoon we went to Venice Beach and wow, all I can say is, I wish I could go to the beach every day. It’s just such an amazing place to be with friends (playing Ninja) and ponder upon everything in the world.

@ Venice Beach (:
@ Venice Beach (:

And as we walked alongside the coast to the pier, I noticed that as soon as our feet touched the sand, the footprints were immediately dissolved, erasing any trace that we were even there. The world contains millions of people, so I understand when people say that no one person is the greatest. However, I don’t think that with each and every one of us standing side by side we are suddenly invincible. There is a greater force out there – and no, I’m not referring to the extraterrestrial beings or aliens. What I am referring to, is nature. All those natural disasters we have, whether earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, they all can erase certain parts of the human population. True, when we look at something like the earthquake in Italy and think 272 people, out of the millions it isn’t a big number. However, what if, nature were to go against us in full-force? I don’t think we as mere humans would be able to take it. And yet, no one really thinks about this. They don’t realize how insignificant we are compared to nature and that once we’re gone, nature can easily destroy any evidence that we ever lived. Because if we did acknowledge this, we might try to preserve nature and not constantly destroy it with useless machines and buildings.

Anyway, at the pier, we saw a lot of extraordinary things. Like a man painted in full gold who doesn’t move until a donation is given. Or a man in a tree, blended in so well that it was quite easy to miss him. Or another man who plays the guitar and has been roller-skating down the pier for over 40 years. You walk around this environment and realize how sheltered and confined you were all these years. We worry and obsess over the smallest details in the great span of life, that we let such events pass, oblivious to the fact that we’re hindering history in the making.

Monday: Being the procrastinator I am and knowing that this was the last day before my sister came back from Washington DC, I decided to take advantage and watch a lot of movies. Thus, Monday was my All-Day Movie Madness. I watched The Illusionist, Eragon, Secondhand Lions, The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, etc. Now some of the movies were just repeats of what I had already seen, but some of them, like the Mummy, were ones I had never seen before and thus was surprised how much I enjoyed them. All this time, I had been influenced by my mother’s theories such as “mummies brought on curses, so don’t watch that movie”, that I’ve missed out on a lot. I think this pertains to a lot of other aspects in my life.

Another movie I really enjoyed watching again after a decade was Runaway Bride. Movies in the 90s were truly amazing, no discussion needed. I think the sole quote that stuck in my head and heart was

“Look, I guarantee there’ll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you’re the only one for me.”

Yeah, I am definitely a hopeless romantic. And I think that fortune cookie was right, I am really open about my perspective on love. Anyone who knows me, even those I barely met, could tell you about my “visions” and “hopes” for the future. I can’t figure out if this is just repeating a characteristic of mine or acting as a warning that I should keep my thoughts to myself. Or maybe it’s just a stupid fortune cookie >.<

Tuesday: After a disappointing practice and a dirty job of scraping gum, I was quite ready for something exciting. That night, I was Kristina was going to drive me to the Boston University reception with Diana so that I might gain insight. As you all know, I’ve narrowed down my decision to UCLA and BU. Now, UCLA includes me remaining close to those I love as well as maintaining my lovely relationship with the beach and sun. However, BU gave me a great financial aid package and provides me with more opportunities that guide me to my desired profession. Up until Tuesday, I was pretty sure I would be leaning towards BU. And then two important people in my life said something that turned the tables. One was my best friend and the other, my sister. They both said along the lines that they wanted me to stay close by because BU would be too far away. Now BU would provide me an escape from my parents, but I can’t leave my sister alone to defend for herself. I always wished I had an older sibling for guidance and I can’t just give up my position for pure selfishness. And then we went to the BU reception, which brought our that yearning to go out and find myself. I also learned that DBHS girls suffer from the Brahma eye, because after seeing the guys at BU (so damn hot!), I wondered why I have stressed myself over some egotistical DB guy all this time. So yes, I still cannot decide between UCLA and BU. -.-

There were some interesting events that occurred today, but I really don’t want to overwhelm you. Haha, but I probably fooled you into thinking that this post was entirely about love right? Well, at least that was the sole purpose of the post -.- I mean, knowing myself, I could&would go on

nature <3
nature <3

about the concept of love, however, I think Kristina’s latest post (http://dbkrurs.wordpress.com/2009/04/01/the-healthy-relationship/), fully describes those views – especially since it was the two of us who devised them (: So if you’re terribly bored like I know Young is right now, go ahead and check out that too! Happy Wednesday (:

<3 A.