Do I have a trigger? Am I the trigger? One minute, she’s smiling, jokingly laughing with everyone around her. Then with one comment, one look, one knowing, she wills herself to fall deep into depression. It doesn’t matter if it has hurt before – she’ll will herself to not smile, not laugh, in order to prove a point to herself? to others? That she can control herself – but this control is different than other controls . . . I’m not happy.