But I tend to lie when I tell someone that I will talk to them soon. Or that I will see them soon or that we will keep in touch. It is one of my biggest flaws. Bigger than being a procrastinator or a chronic liar. I know I have a big heart. Shoot, I’ll go out of my way to do something for someone, even if that means hindering my own image. But when someone is out of the picture, I tend to lose myself in the present and let them go completely. I know it’s hard. And I know that should put more effort into keeping in touch. I mean, how many times have I said that a relationship goes both ways? But perhaps, like an infant, I have somehow not mastered object permanence. When an individual is out-of-sight, he or she is literally out-of-mind. It’s a cruel notion, but it’s the truth. You have no idea how many relationships I’ve simply let go due to this. I like to say that I still have “best friends” from 4th grade. But let’s be real, they don’t know half the things that have gone on during my life. But is that entirely on me? I used to think not. And then I accepted the blame. But now I wonder, if I had still facebook messaged and texted them every weekend and come back as often as I could from LA, would it still all be alright. Or would I have been feeling as miserable as I was back then. Maybe … it’s not even about keeping in touch. Maybe this entire post is about how I need to be honest. And perhaps I cannot sleep because rather than stepping up and being honest to that one person, I’ve decided to completely cut him out of my life/avoid him. And perhaps this is what’s taking a toll on my health.
Edit: This post on Tumblr that I reblogged sums it up beautifully. To quote:
Being best friends with someone means that even when you’re apart for months, or sometimes even years, and you don’t keep up constant contact, and you both get other friends, and interests, and your personalities change, you still come back together at some point and you act like nothing has changed.