So all those times I complained about being consumed by Senioritis? Totally false. I now fully understand the effects of senioritis and let me tell you, it’s horrible. For the past few weeks, I have literally felt like I’ve been drowning. It was as if everything was piling up and I was too far behind to catch up. I mean, the feeling of wanting to graduate ASAP was still prevalent as usual, but this time, it was like anything associated with school was not priority anymore. I’d come home late usually, because of Color Guard practice, check email really quickly without REALLY looking at everything and before I knew it, I was knocked out. And the whole getting up at 3 AM? Totally screwed it. So yeah, I pretty much went through the days as if I was a zombie. No lie, it was if I was just going through the motions, not really thinking. I stopped doing Math homework for a week, I was so behind on English journals, I was caring less and less about Bio and Chem.
And because of my zombie-like state, I began to listen/read everything half-heartedly. This is probably why I felt so overwhelemed and at times vulnerable. I could not recall half the things that were told to me because I literally was out of it. Yes, I know, there were a few highlights in these past weeks, but, the euphoria that accompanied them only lasted for a few seconds. And then I went back to my listless state. So as I said before . . . I was drowing.
Today was the first day in a LONG time I felt as if I had finally resurfaced. I don’t know why, but everything felt back into place. I turned in everything for Math and felt like I had finally caught up. We made a proposal today for USB during 4th period, and for the first time in four years, I finally felt that USB really cared about the school in general. USB had already gained my favor during Performing Arts week when it really involved Color Guard by the “cherry on top” was the generous $600 dollar donation they made for our Leo cause: Orphanages of Thailand. Along with that and Mrs. Tanaka’s mother’s donations, we made a GRAND in one day. Mr. Tanaka totally made my day by announcing how my “stupid” idea actually was approved by the City of Diamond Bar. See, there was these Youth/Adult Hero nominations for Diamond Bar. We decided to nominate the Tanakas for Adult Heroes and I was delegated to write that up. Being the procrastinator I am, I sent out the email the day it was due and have 15 minutes left over, I quickly typed out another nomination for the entire Leo Board. Yes, I know it was careless and far-fetched. And yet, I am so glad I still followed-through because now the entire Leo Board will be honored at the Diamond Bar Birthday Celebration!
Yeah, I think that the “lifeboat” I needed to save me. That far-fetched vision which actually came true. It renewed my hope and gave me strength to believe in the future. Corny, I know, but this is my blog after all (: Lastly, today I actually started to L-E-A-R-N again in Bio. I know, you’re probably thinking, “What’s school for if you don’t learn?” But that’s the issue. Have you noticed how the perspectives have shifted from gaining valuable knowledge to competition and status? What happened to truly learning something and being able to apply it later in life? I used to love learning about new things, but as high school dragged on, I felt as if I was merely doing what was expected of me. I wish school could go back to that. Less emphasis on grades, college, and SATs and more emphasis on the actual content. Like Psychology. I don’t care what you all say, but I absolutely love Ms. Hewit because she teaches for a worthwhile purpose. Not so we can pass the AP test . . not so we can be number 1 . . . but to be able really understand the matter. It’s the only class I had looked forward to this entire year, because regardless of the future, I would always remember what went on in there. I wish more teachers took a leaf out of Ms. Hewit’s book (:
Hopefully I’ll remain above level until graduation – fingers crossed >.<