March is halfway over and likewise, the mad runs to the mailbox or computer have increased as we are all anticipating the responses from the colleges we have applied to. And as responses are read, tears of either joy or disappointment are shed. I, like the others are on college-watch. In fact, it is to the point where I have accessed my email account from my phone so that when a new email comes in, I will be able to know ASAP. Ah, how emotions can be so easily altered by a simple email or letter . . or lack of one. I remember last week when I heard USC sent out their acceptance letters and I had not received one. I was completely crushed, thinking that I was not to everyone else’s standards and there wasn’t any college that wanted me. True, I got into VCU, SBU, and University of Pittsburgh before, but those were colleges that I was already pretty sure I would get into. No, it was because I still hadn’t heard from UC Davis, the lowest of the four UC’s I applied to, and therefore, thoughts of how I wasn’t even good enough for UC Davis came along.
And yet the next day, when I received my USC acceptance letter, although I was ecstatic, it didn’t bring as much joy to me as getting accepted into UCD and UCSD. This is most likely because I never planned on going to USC. Especially because it is so expensive. However, the thought of not being accepted to a school saddened me greatly. Likewise with UCD and UCSD. I don’t think I will be going to those two schools, but the fact that I was accepted by a UC school and am officially UC-bound makes me smile. And this is what makes me unsure of the future, because I take rejection so seriously. The two MAJOR fears in my life: spiders and rejection.
Rejection. <—— I’ll talk more about that in my following post.
So today we celebrated Christina’s 18th birthday by kidnapping her and taking her to Carrow’s and Chuck E. Cheese’s. We joked about how we were taking her to a Strip Club while she was blindfolded, but honestly, what better way to ring in your adulthood then running around playing games with your friends and trying to get enough tickets to get matching bracelets? To some people, this may seem so lame and childish since it’s not one of those high-profile parties. But you know what, screw you. This is the BEST way to celebrate your best friend’s birthday. So as Christina, Karry, Siobhan, Amanda, Pooja, Bond, Young, and I sat around talking about our little traditions and next year, everyone turned to me saying that I wouldn’t be here. Everyone else will be in California, but it’s me who’s pursuing a college in the East Coast. So the question arises, “Do I want to go to the East Coast?”. And as I continue to ponder, “Do I really want to get into a medical program?”. Hell, “Do I really want to become a pediatrician?”.
Ultimately, one must be happy in life. That makes everything that have done, are doing, will do worthwhile. I remember Mr. Patterson saying in Freshman year, “If you’re not strong in Math and Biology, you shouldn’t think of becoming a doctor”. But I believe that statement is totally BS. If you have the passion and the drive, then you CAN make it happen. If I want to become a doctor, I will somehow become it, even if it means achieving that goal when I’m thirty. But the question is, will I be happy as a pediatrician? Will I be happy away from all my friends, knowing that these were the last birthdays we would celebrate together? Will I be happy if I get accepted into a top-notch school?
I honestly don’t know. This blog is so confusing because I have so many conflicting notions and emotions. I think I’m going through a quarter-life crisis. Au mon dieu.